Christina H. Paxson is the 19th president of a small college in Providence, Rhode Island. She became president of Brown University in 2012 after vanquishing former president Ruth J. Simmons in Turkish oil wrestling. At the bottom of the October 11th Today@Brown mailing, Paxson announced plans to begin the construction of a secondary campus in Gaza. Last week, I had the privilege of being able to interview Paxson on this unprecedented expansion of Brown University. The transcript has been edited for length and comedy.
Victor Chang: Would you mind explaining what your plans are for the satellite campus in Gaza?
Christina Paxson: Sure! Early on in the project, the Corporation and I decided that we wanted to make it feel like a home away from home, almost like a slice of Providence transplanted to the Middle East. So far, our plan is to build two quadrangles in the middle of Gaza City. One of them—well, one of them is going to be a replica of the Main Green we all know and love. You have Campus Center, University Hall, Sayles—all the things that make the Main Green the Main Green. We had to swap the grass for sand since there’s no running water for irrigation, but otherwise, they’re practically identical.
VC: And the second quad?
CP: Keeney. It’s literally just Keeney.
VC: Before we get further into the details of this plan, what motivated you to consider this bold expansion?
CP: We need more room. Brown has practically annexed College Hill, and we’re on track to do the same in the Jewelry District. Providence was a nice starter home, but we, as a university, have outgrown it. We’ve been dumping students in outside housing because our facilities are beyond capacity. It’s time for us to expand.
VC: How did you decide on Gaza in particular?
CP: The engineering department lobbied hard on this one. Students were saying that there weren’t enough opportunities in Providence to apply what they’ve learned to the real world, and, to be honest, I agree with them. What are our engineering students supposed to do if they want experience in aerospace? I’m not talking about a desk jockey job at Textron—I mean real experience in the field. Meanwhile, Gaza has a booming rocketry industry.
I admit that finances also play a role in the decision-making process. Contrary to popular belief, Brown’s endowment isn’t limitless. Settling our second campus in Gaza has the distinct advantage of not having to pay for land acquisitions. When I was first planning this expansion, I budgeted money to buy up land before I realized: buy from who? It’s free real estate.
VC: Since you brought up finances, I think it’d be a good time to ask how much this project will cost.
CP: It’s hard to give a precise estimate since we’re still choosing between contractors, but I can confidently say it’ll cost less than a billion. There are a couple of reasons for this. I already mentioned that we don’t have to pay for land. Demolition costs are quite low as well since most of the demolition has been done for us. It helps that the dollar is strong compared to whatever it is they use over there so that lowers costs across the board.
VC: Given the instability of the region, do you have any security concerns?
CP: The safety of our students is usually our number one priority. We’ve collaborated with Blackwater to implement innovative solutions to keep our students safe. For example, Faunce Arch would be fitted with a checkpoint. Metal detectors, bomb-sniffing dogs, all that jazz. Like the TSA, but actually effective. Solomon DECI will be built with steel beams and reinforced concrete so it can function as a bomb shelter. We also have the blue light system.
VC: Hundreds of thousands of Palestinians once lived in Gaza City and will likely attempt to return once the war ends. How do you intend to make room for expansion once refugees begin to return to their homes?
CP: Brown University already has a proven track record of displacing disadvantaged people in Providence. Look at Fox Point. Once, it was a bustling neighborhood, lots of culture, very exotic! We start laying bricks nearby, and magically, the poor people disappear. If you build it, they will leave. It’s that simple.
VC: So you’re going to gentrify Gaza?
CP: Yes.
VC: And your willingness to spend the endowment in this way doesn’t strike you as taking sides in the ongoing conflict?
CP: Let me put it this way. There’s this species of salamander, the Chinese giant salamander. It’s long, slimy, ancient in origin—truly my spirit animal. Most importantly, it keeps growing. Like the Chinese giant salamander, Brown is always growing. Growth is the status quo—the default state, so to speak. To disrupt the status quo is to make a statement. To accept the status quo is to do nothing. In this case, I’m doing nothing and allowing the status quo of expansion to continue. No statement made. No side taken. Does that make sense?
VC: Sure … now, let’s address the elephant in the room. This expansion will likely be met with significant student protests. How do you plan on handling them?
CP: Ah, it’s this question. Hold on, let me get something. [She pulls out a bottle of Tito’s and chugs.] There we go. Okey-dokey. So, a while back, me and my gal pal Minouche were in bed workshopping ways in which we could shut down those pesky student protests. We determined that the issue was that their demands were too sane. Being that the whole point of our existence as university administrators is to maintain the status quo, the fact that some donors were actually sympathetic to protestors’ demands was disturbing.
Allow me to illustrate my next point with a very flavorful analogy. Picture a bowl of soup. It’s a fairly inoffensive, broadly appealing soup. Now, imagine I’m Chef Boyardee, and I really, really, don’t want you drinking that soup. What should I do? Why, the answer is quite obvious: I should put a couple turds into the soup bowl. The turd-to-soup ratio doesn’t have to be particularly high since shit floats. The majority of the soup is still fine, but all the people see are the floaters on top. Even if you remove them, no one is ever going to want to drink that soup again, and Chef CPax is very happy. You see how this analogy applies to protests?
VC: I do, though I feel like your point could have been illustrated without the soup analogy.
CP: Sorry about that. An hour ago, I was talking with Dining Services about next year’s menu, and some of that must have bled into this interview. [She takes another chug from the bottle.] Anyway, we (me and Minouche, not me and Dining Services) came up with this plan in which we would prop up more radical groups in the hope that they would disrupt broader cooperation and prevent real change from occurring. We named this the Bibi Gambit for no particular reason. A couple years ago, I told my boy Logan Powell over at admissions to start sending offers to armchair revolutionaries from Reddit. Sure enough, SJP membership soared!
VC: Would you say that this strategy worked?
CP: For Brown, yes. Look at what happened over the past year. [Giggles.] I’ll—I’ll admit that some of the rhetoric seemed a bit too reasonable at first, and I was like, [Falsetto.] “Logan, why aren’t they doing insane shit yet?” But then the turds began rising to the top of the soup, and by the time the encampment rolled around, they’d lost all credibility. All I had to do was get them off my lawn, smack down the vote I promised them, suspend them, and the whole situation was resolved. I predict that campus will return to baseline apathy by the end of Spring semester, and I’ll be free to proceed with construction of the Gaza campus.
VC: And what if protests flare up again?
CP: I’ll offer them a vote.
